Before the bliss, the jitters
by Deborah Soosay, 1 October 2003

After a whirlwind courting, the popping of the big question and then the customary pilgrimage to the Registry of Marriages, the next thing is to seal your marriage with the biggest do of your life, the wedding celebration. Congratulations for getting this far!

With much joy and anticipation, you set out planning and ironing details to ensure that your wedding will be an occasion to remember. But somehow, as the big day draws nearer, you mysteriously undergo a phase of doubt and ambivalence. Here's the good news though - it's normal and happens to even the best of us!

Arthur Sim, a marriage preparation counsellor explains, "A couple's wedding day is one of the most important days of their lives and it is only natural that either or both of them want it to be perfect. More importantly, it is a day when one is about to make a lifelong commitment to the other, through thick and thin, good and bad and everything else.

No matter how much you love your significant other, marriage is an enormous leap of faith and quite naturally, it is normal to be nervous about taking this enormous step. You should in fact be concerned if neither of you is feeling this way."

So go ahead and ask questions about your decisions and your relationship too but just because you are getting cold feet months, weeks or even days before your wedding doesn't mean that you have to call off the wedding. More often than not, the added stress of planning for the wedding day itself can cause feelings of extreme anxiety and can be a trying period for many couples but certainly not impossible to overcome.

Use it to your advantage. This is a good time to oil the channels of communication with your future spouse. After all, good communication is the cornerstone of a happy marriage and there is no better time to start practising that skill than now.

Find time to be alone and consolidate all your thoughts and speak to friends who have tied the knot. They will certainly help you identify what is causing your anxiety, which in most instances is likely to be nothing out of the ordinary. It could be something as simple as being nervous or other issues such as children, money, religion, in-laws etc.

With the hassle of planning a wedding, many couples inevitably forget to spend time together. Go out for dinner, enjoy each other and rediscover the magic in each other. Besides, knowing that you both feel the same way evokes the 'in-the-same-boat' experience which can bond you closer together. That by its own is a wonderful feeling.

Though this may be your wedding, it is inevitable that it may translate into a family affair. Whether it is your family or his, giving in to each and every member's request to 'help make it a perfect wedding' can sometimes be too overwhelming. So a simple solution is to put your feet down from the very beginning that this is your wedding to begin with and although suggestions are welcomed, they should not be taken as common law. While you should respect, be courteous and hear them out, your main concern should be you and your significant other.

So accept wedding jitters as part and parcel of the whole experience and soon you will be too busy to worry about them. Nonetheless, couples need time to adjust and get used to the fact that one will soon become two and if it is spoken about more often than not, it should in time dissolve any anxiety and unnecessary concerns. Like any final stretch, exam, race or in this case, marriage, butterflies in the stomach are a given. And in most cases, it does work out all right. You will be fine, take it in your stride and have a great union.