Most of the traditional practices hold some meaning to them. Let us guide you through the more common ceremonial essentials.

The Matchmaker

Usually an auntie with an irritating gift of the gab. Exceedingly important in those days as a channel of communication between the two families, facilitating negotiation of essential details such as the amount of dowry and banquet size.

Matching of the Birth Dates

Water will put out fire, and wood will turn soft in water. Physics? Nah.. these are the ancient rules of horoscope matching. It is more than matching the animal that rules the year of birth, it is all about the month, day, and time of birth, and the element you belong to. It is still a widely held belief that marriage of two people of clashing birth dates will end up in tragedy.

Astrological Intervention

Make sure that even the gods were smiling on your wedding day. Again, based on a couple's birth dates, auspicious dates and times are calculated to make sure that ceremonies are held in the best of times.

Engagement Essentials (and we're not talking about diamonds)

The presentation of betrothal gifts to the bride's family on an auspicious date is still very much widely practiced nowadays. Depending on which dialect group either party belongs to, the gifts vary. Usually, the gifts include a dowry of a token sum of money, different combinations of jewellery (for example, teochews require the 4 items of bracelet, earrings, necklace and ring) bridal cakes, mandarin oranges and liquor. The more traditional families will include two pairs of candles, one in the likeness of a dragon and the other a phoenix.

Betrothal gifts are not entirely kept by the bride's family however. Some will be returned to the groom's family, such as the pair of phoenix candles, and a few boxes of bridal cakes. The rest of the cakes are distributed along to the bride's relatives and friends, as part of the invitation.

Keeping the dowry As soon as the engagement is over, the bride can bring her dowry over to her new home. Typically, a bride's dowry will include practical items such as bedsheets and pillow-cases (no doubt in a bright fiery red). One very important item --- a spittoon. In ancient times, a spittoon was an essential item (think of it as the attached bathroom) but now it's purely ceremonial. Usually it's placed in a corner of the room. Jewellery and presents from relatives also form part of the bride's dowry.

Setting the bridal bed (no naughty ideas here) Find a person of good fortune (usually gauged by the number of children he/she has) to move the bed slightly at an auspicious time. This sets the bed. A red tray of dried food like lotus seeds, longan, lychee, etc is placed on the bed with a red packet . A boy should jump on the bed to bless the bed with, er, fertility. Once this is done, no one is supposed to touch the bed except the wedding couple on their wedding day.

Hair-Combing ceremony This is a ceremony that is usually held on the wedding eve, and both the bride and the groom will have their own separate ceremonies at their own homes. They will change into white pyjamas (the bride will also have to wear a new pair of slipper during the whole ceremony) and then pray to the heavens and their ancestors before sitting in front of a small table mirror. The bride should face out of the house while the groom should face in. Usually the respective parents will comb their children's hair 3 times while reciting this ancient litany :

First comb to comb till the end

Second comb to bring love and respect till old age

Third comb to bring lots of children and grandchildren

After the combing, the couple has to eat glutinous rice balls which symbolize togetherness.

This whole ceremony symbolizes the coming-of-age of the bride and the groom. This would explain why most chinese parents only consider their children grownups when they get married.

Fetching the bride

Ah, the actual wedding day now. If a matchmaker has been involved so far, there's no reason for her to stop now. On that auspicious wedding day, the matchmaker accompanies the groom to fetch the bride from her house. When the bridal car arrives at the bride's home, the car door has to be opened by a male member from her family. That lucky guy gets an ang pow just for doing that. The groom still has another obstacle now. The bridesmaids are not going to make it easy for him. Depending on their level of sadism, the groom may have to varying degrees of difficulty getting to his bride. He could be made to sing, dance, act, juggle, grovel, or simply, empty his coffers to bribe the bridesmaids with another huge ang pow (chinese grooms take note here, you're gonna need to be giving a lot of ang pows away on that day, so don't say I didn't warn you, start saving now).

When the groom finally makes it through the doorway, he presents some more gifts to the family. Of course that's not what he went through all the trouble to do. What he really came for was to present a bouquet of flowers (ancient times, this was a red cloth thingy), to lift that veil to see the precious person in his life, and finally bring her home.

Along the way to the bridal car, some families practise the tradition of having a female relative shelter the bride with a red umbrella, which another will throw rice grains into the air for the purpose of warding away evil spirits.

The tea ceremony

Tea brewed from longans and red dates is served first to the couple's parents and then to the other relatives. As a sign of respect, most couples kneel as they do so to express gratitude for their parents' love. As they serve the tea, gifts of jewellery or ang pows would be presented to them by their relatives. It is a token blessing that is bestowed by senior relatives.

Coming Home

As the bride comes home, the groom's parents will have to 'hide'. It was believed that a direct contact will have averse effects on the couple's relationship in the future. The bride has to first go back to the nuptial chamber (okay okay, bedroom) before coming out to meet her in-laws.

Chinese Wedding Banquet

Toasting is a very noisy affair, but very important. Noisy but important. Termed "yamseng" it's actually a gesture of politeness, as each toast is really a toast from the two families to their guests for attending the banquet, and in turn the guests are toasting to the couple's happiness. The logic is that, the noisier it is, the more hearty and sincere the wishes are. Hmm, go figure.

Nuptial Chamber

Traditionally, the couple link arms and drink from nuptial cups of wine. Now, it's mostly a tease tease session by the couple's cruel friends. So, remember to invite only kind people who wouldn't dream of making fun of you.

Homecoming

Too many homes you say? Well, in those days, when girls marry, they leave their own families forever. So the third day after the wedding is their official last day home. Brides get to go home to show their families how happy they are (even though it's only the third day).

So there you have it, a lor soh kinda summary to the kind of chinese traditions you could be following on that big day.