 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
From Miss To Missus It was nothing like the movie, at least my mood then was wrong. When he popped the question, I was totally caught by surprise. In fact, I panicked! I was thinking 'What should I do? What should I do?!' We had been going out for quite a while and he may have hinted. But I was enjoying my new found independence as a working woman so much that I didn't see it coming. After working for a few years to repay the study loan, I am finally able to enjoy my financial independence. A comfortable amount for myself and able to afford an overseas trip a year. I was also enjoying the freedom I never had when I was studying. I could now go out with colleagues and friends after work, and meet him for the weekends. I was having such a great time. And I dread anything that will spoil it. To me, marriage is something beautiful but not essential. I have seen so many couples breaking up and women sacrificing themselves for their marriage that I sometimes wonder why do women get married. I did not want that to happen to me. I also wanted to be remembered as an individual, not someone's wife nor someone's mother! And I wanted my freedom badly. I wanted to be able to go out anytime without having 'report' to anyone, and come home late without the risk of facing the music. I wanted to have the freedom to do housework as and when I liked or leave the mess around if I am feeling lazy. With all these in my mind, I couldn't say 'Yes' readily to him. But I agreed eventuallybecause I do not want to lose him. Saying 'Yes' is actually the easiest thing to do. After that, I kept asking myself if he is the one and do I really want to get married. Then the house came! First, we need to get the marriage certificate. Honestly, I resented him at times for pushing me into the marriage. Even on that morning when I was putting on the make up, I was not thrilled. I went through the procedure as required, felt like a puppet on the string with no control of myself. Then a voice was heard, 'Will you take this man as your wedded husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him, so long as you both shall live?' And I heard a voice steadily, sincerely right from the bottom of my heart, 'Yes, I will.'. Looking into his eyes, I know I am hook to him for life. We did not stay together after the registration so there is not much change. I found myself finding excuses to push back the ceremony. I am still afraid of getting married and could not bear to 'abandon' my parents, but I know for sure that he is the one. After numerous quarrels, discussions and self-reflections, I came to realize that I was afraid to bear the responsibilities of being married. I was afraid to grow up. Or probably I was having marriage jitters, a term that I learned only after my wedding. When I finally ran out of excuses, the ceremony was held. It was a lovely day and we enjoyed it tremendously. Soon after the honeymoon, I noticed changes. He was more loving and sensitive to my needs. I was struggling to settle into the new environment and had very frequent break downs. But he was exceptionally patient to me. He listened to me pouring out my sorrows and unfound worries, holding me in his arms and lovingly comforting me. His temper was so much better. More importantly, he took great care of me. Gradually, I found myself having some changes as well. Living together had brought us so much closer. I became more understanding and more tolerant to him. Even though I still enjoy the freedom to go wherever I want, I have greatly reduced my outings. After a hard day's work, all I wanted is a cozy night snuggling with him in the sofa, have a nice talk or catch some TV programs. No movie, no coffee club visits, no night ride to Mt Faber. It is perfectly all right! Because I have the best thing in life and he is right beside me! And now I am even looking forward to having our own baby! I wonder is it due to my age or has marriage really changed me so much. All I know is with him beside me, I am safe and comfortable. I am so glad that I have said 'Yes'. |